HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE GROUND! (Why Misery Loves Company)

HB to the ground

After editing yesterday’s post, I needed some sunny, funny, bright energy to combat the torrential downpour outside my window. A quick ten minute happy break turned into an assault on my eye holes. Okay, here’s the situation…

One of my favorite vines is a thugged out dog flipping its birthday cake with Andy Sandberg’s spoof SNL music playing in the background. There is something about that “Happy Birthday to the Ground!” line that cracks me up every time. It’s exactly what I needed to end my morning and put me in a good mood for the rest of the day. I decided to open the Youtube app to watch it. I found a compilation video of funniest vines with the “Thug Life” dog thumbnail. Okay, I could spare a little time before I got back to work. I clicked it. It was just as funny as ever.

About three quarters of the way into the compilation, some psycho creep assaulted my eyes with images of a bug infestation inside of his coworker’s car. WTF, dude. Why? How is that even funny? I exited from YouTube and tried to focus on coming up with a topic for today’s post. I wanted it to be witty and upbeat , like Honey, in celebration of his birthday. (Happy Birthday Lover!!!!)

lighted happy birthday candles
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

I started trying to think of something funny, but every time I blinked, I saw hundreds of bugs crawling in and out of that guy’s vents. I closed my eyes to visualize Honey’s incredible smile, but images of tiny intruders scurried across his picture. Ughhh! That dude had ruined Honey’s birthday blog! Suddenly, I was struck with a question.

Why is it human nature to want other people to share our grossest experiences? Smell this. Doesn’t it stink? Taste this. It’s disgusting. Listen to this. Isn’t it the most horrible singing voice you’ve ever heard? Watch this. It’s the nastiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Maybe the phenomenon is caused by our need for social validation. This feels prickly and uncomfortable to me. Is it the same for you? Asking another to confirm our experiences is something we all do. We feel most comfortable around those who match our energetic level, so it is rational that we want their opinions. It’s as though we are asking our peers to confirm that we are normal and our reactions to stimuli are reasonable.

sad face

I get it, Friend, but damn. Is it necessary? Can we not assume that other people will react the same way we did? Can’t we spare them the unpleasant experience? Or could it be that miserable people simply do not want to be in a crowd of happy people. If they are the only miserable ones, they would have to believe that something is wrong with them.

Well, I’m not really concerned about the psychology behind their motivations. For once, I am uninterested in the anthropological connotations of this behavior. Just stop it. If you cannot say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Similarly, if you can’t share something nice, don’t share anything at all.

I have had to unfollow too many friends because they litter my feed with images that haunt my dreams and stick to the walls of my brain like 1970’s wallpaper. I don’t need that crap! I don’t watch thrillers, because I have an exceptionally vivid imagination. I don’t enjoy boxing, because seeing a human get pummeled by another human is not my idea of entertainment. I avoid encounters with all things gross, inhumane and cringe-worthy. I would appreciate it if everyone else could stop trying to ninja shock me into sharing their misery. Thaaanks.


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